Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Holy shit dude........stairs
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
