for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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