a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
My liver just broke up with me...
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
stop calling my apartment porn island.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
