That's when you crack a 10am beer
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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