I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
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