Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
