god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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