yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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