NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize