I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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