Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
