you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
