i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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