and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you will always have a special place in my vag
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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