he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
