apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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