she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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