we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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