i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
