On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
