K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
