I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
