I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Sext me about skeletons
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
