Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize