My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
My vagina just recognized that song.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
