I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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