Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
