But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
