I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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