you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
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