her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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