I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
