When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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