Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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