After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
