Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
