I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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