apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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