So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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