Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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