i jhust puked up my retainher.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
