i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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