A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
