During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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