I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
