we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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