TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
