I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
