What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
