Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He passed out mid-signature
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
