She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize