Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
