wanna go halves on a baby?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
