Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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