If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize