Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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