I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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