Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
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