you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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