I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
