Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
