Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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