im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
