Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize