Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
