Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
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