What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
